I was waiting at the Starbucks outside the Geneva train station for an hour, trying to connect with someone. I would have ordered a coffee but everything was so expensive. The man at the counter gave me the wi-fi password no questions asked. Outside, a guy named Carlos let me use his Swiss phone. Later, Michael, my step step uncle would burst through the crowd and double point at me with blazing intensity. Fireworks were going off and Geneva was buzzing. I was safe.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT a "rent-a-boy" bar is but I had a pretty good idea I wasn't going to love it. I opted for the other option- an alternative bar. Michael made it clear he was hitting the town tonight. No straight bars. We parked our bikes outside and went in. It was very low key and friendly. Older men sat spare at the bar, making eyes. We drank giant beers. I downed my first one in a matter of gulps. No dinner yet.
Michael is my quadralingual, gay, finance working, step step uncle and I was surprised he was buying me drinks. I'd never met the guy, let alone heard of him. At the bar we met Stefan, his partner of ten years. Stefan is quiet and dark, with a youthful jolt in his wrists. He left before us and we did another round. The bartender addmitted to me he was jealous I was going home with Michael. I didn't have to say much to dissapoint him further.
Michael cooked me pasta and fixed me a salad. We watched French TV and talked about family. I passed out.
I woke with a pulsing headache. Beer really gets me. Lucky for me Stefan and Michael had a load of activities in store. We were going swimming, kayaking, biking, lounging, girl hunting, museum trekking and beer driking.
We biked down to a lakeside entry point and blew up the raft. I went for a quick swim. Before I could sun myself dry Stefan came running up, yelling at me to shower off. Apparently a parasite lives in the lake that burrows in your skin if you don't rinse properly. I quickly made for the shower.
I kayaked alongside Michael as he practiced his swimming for an upcoming triatholon. We switched places eventually and when we got back to shore I taught him the butterfly stroke the best I could.
The girls in Switzerland are so tragically ugly. Especiallz the near naked ones on the beach. Poor things.
We went to a foodstand next to the Geneva Museum of Obsolete Scientific Equiptment. We had sandwiches and beers. A pregnant woman in a yellow bikini complained about the freshness of her sandwich. I don't think she realized the sandwiches were from a bag. Then a DJ started spinning reggae and we left.
Stephan led the way to a bar thing that was a giant outdoor peninsula covered in people. It looked like seals on the pier in San Francisco. They promised me women. I feel asleep on the peninsula to the dismay of the beached Swiss beauties. I woke to an unexpected rainstorm and we made off for home.
At the apartment I feel asleep again. We went to a very fancy pizza restaurant. It was delicious and everyone working there was italian. When the bill was questionable Michael broke into flawless Italian, gesturing to our waitress like a native speaker. The bill was sorted and we went to the Swiss independence day parade. There was a promenade decorated with projections and flags and foodstands and people in costume. There was a very surreal show after a long speech that culminated in a pyre fire. Then there was more avant guarde performances and dancing. After a billion tall cans of beer we walked back home and watched French TV. I feel asleep.
I woke at 3 AM to see Michael standing in the kitchen devouring a bag of chips. I think it was part of his triatholon training. With everz dramatic crunch of chips he would toss his head back in ecstacy. I patiently waited until he crumpled the bag up and went to sleep. I wondered if he was sleepwalking.
The next day I saw Inception, got lost, and then got robbed. They took all my Euros and the 10 Swiss Francs I had. Drat. I did manage to get one of the robber's testicles and I'm sending it to the lab for analysis. Maybe I can solve this mystery and get my money back.
ALONE $£$
On Swiss keyboards the z and the y are switched. I think I did okaz, though. Camping tonight, Pully tomorrow.
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