HEAVEN CAN WAIT

Epic noodle fight in the pool today. The giant turtle was firstly a shield, but came in handy later for a multi-child offensive attack.

I WENT TO BED WANTING TO WAKE UP on the floor of the hostel in Toulouse, a foot below the German's feet (stinky). I managed to escape unnoticed by the mom and daughter also sleeping in the room, making it out onto the streets of Toulouse as a slight chill still lingered in the air. My train was in three hours. I wasted some time on the web. I was especially smelly.

Made it on the train and met two couples travelling from Chicago. They were boring and I ate my lunch as the Pyrenees rushed by. The pate I bought was delicious and plentiful and it filled me up maybe too much. I would be eating later.

Off at Bram, I rode a hilly, hot and unexpected 30 km (in my pants)to Montreal just before Tranquilliare. After stopping at a few wrong manors, I came to the largest and most correct manor of them all: where I'd be staying.

Teddy greeted me at the door and I put Ginger away in the garage. Before I had something to drink, I was given a brisk tour of all three of the conjoined houses and introduced to a large flock of blonde haired children, all with British accents and bi-lingual capabilities. An unspoken agreement had been made: I could stay here as long as I pleased so long as I would help look after the children. There were lots of them. A trip to the swimming pool was in order. There we had the aforementioned battle.

All the parents are British and/or American, have some holiday house nearby, are impeccably dressed, and are beautiful. The women wear interesting patterned dresses, and the men wear clothes that are somehow loose and form fitting at the same time. I never saw that Mammia Mia movie but I imagine it's something like this. Then the adults went to the ballet and Teddy and I were left to tend to the children.

In the hours since my arrival we'd watched a movie, played with Legos, had a pool battle, built a new trampoline, christened the trampoline, had dinner, cleaned up after the adults and children, had a Lego contest, watched another movie, and made brownies. Legos were involved in most of these activities. By 9:30 I was out cold. Dinner was exhausting in itself-- easily the most food I'd eaten in days-- roast chicken, tomato salad, potatoes, regular salad, bread. There was also plenty of chilled rose wine for Teddy and I. The adults call rose "pink water" here. Then of course brownies and ice cream for dessert. I'm drafting my thank you note already.

Sometimes there are over ten children here and I still don't know all there names. The littlest is William, the biggest is Harrison. The girls are all very blonde and beautiful and have very proper British accents. Some of the kids speak French and some of them bite.

I'm being spoiled. The 50 pounds I'm trying to lose may have to stay on a bit longer. I've been invited indefinitely but I'll have to leave in the next few days... The only questing is... Will have have the decency to do so gracefully? I mean, I have a king sized bed and my own bathroom with a stand-up shower and amazing water pressure. There's toothpaste in the cupboard that doesn't taste like candy.

They even have The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest and The Girl Who Played With Fire so help me god.

Today it's a picnic by the river. We have to get all the kids sunscreened up. Joe, the second littlest, asked me if we could bring the noodles to the river-- I asked him if he thought they'd float away. He told me his friend lost his hat in the river. I've become a Manny and I'm thinking in a British accent.

ALONE blah blah I'm on vacation.

I had a dream with Cameron Diaz in it last night-- unfortunately not The Mask or Something About Mary era Cameron Diaz-- it was contemporary Cameron Diaz, which was a little disappointing.