The ABBA medley was the best. Lady Gaga was also good. The Spanish music at the end was by far the worst, but the costumes were good. The rugby players rolled up our sleeves and bit our arms and showed us their ding-dongs out the bottom of their tiny red shorts. Alice said she went to school with them but she didn't know them. They didn't like my dancing or my blondes. They got rowdy and initiated contact. I pulled his red handkerchief over his eyes when he tried to pull my shirt sleeves up over my shoulders. They were already rolled up all the way.
MILES RIDDEN: 60
RIDDLES SOLVED: 7
TOP SPEED: 124 KMPH
BOOKS NEARLY FINISHED: 1
DAYS GO BY and I'm still in this place taking day trips and tripping over children in the hallway. I gave Ginger a good, hard cleaning all the way up to her chain. I put Paragon and Johnny Utah in the dishwasher for good measure because I was sick of drinking water that tasted a little bit like peaches and coca cola. We went out together deep into the Midi-Pyrenees, penetrating the dark, cold forest, riding up and down small mountains to our intended destination. Even after some days of not riding I felt very strong on the bike. This was also the first time I'd climbed big hills without twenty pounds of cured meats riding on my back wheel.
At the end of the farmland I came to a fork in the road. One road shot straight up into the shadows of a long, treacherous climb and the other veered right back into the sun next to a sunflower field. I was like that scene from that Simpsons episode where they're on the river. I went for the climb and it was cold and was worried I wasn't wearing enough clothing. But I would heat up and sweat and get all extreme and stuff. I sang loudly past grazing cattle as I tried to get their attention with moos. Once I made it to Chalambre I felt like I was in another world. After a seven-minute descent I was level with a tributary river cutting through two large mountains. In the crux was the town. I peeked through the sleepy streets and crossed bridges over and around little streams and rivers. I thought about finding the lake but I got cold and went up the hill I'd just come down.
The ride back was long and hard but I made it to Garric Manor before 7, the time when I'd instructed my crew to start arranging funeral services. The youngsters picked flowers and I had a recovery beer with Gustave. Soon enough the adults had dinner and we put away four bottles of rose and two bottles of cider that Dave brought over. Teddy got drunk and had a cigarette. I think she's finally started to CUT LOOSE or LET HER HAIR DOWN or GET HER GROOVE BACK or whatever chicks do.
During wine and pudding and smokes I agreed to help ALISON with her landscaping job in the morning. What did you say? 8:15 AM? No problem. Back-breaking labor? I'm on it. Please, anything I can do to help. We'll get the job done.
2 chocolate croissants plus 1 diet coke at 8:30 AM equals crazy bad heartburn. Yesterday's 70-mile ride on top of 5 days rest equals tender thighs. Divide by 90 sacks of 40-pound fertilizer moved around an unfinished, muddy backyard. Add on raking, hole-digging and planting and I'll just go ahead and admit I had no plan for finishing this equation. By the end I had a dirt mustache, dirt arm hair and a dirty man-diaper. The slave-driver working the site didn't even let me go boom-boom in the potty. Everyone was surprised that I did it but really WE did it-- we finished the project and made out with time for an extra cup of tea. Hint: when landscaping, make sure you trim your nails BEFORE.
We returned to the Manor in the mega-van just as the huge barbecue lunch was finishing up. It was strange how happy everyone was about me offering to finish the mozzarella salad and baguette. And suddenly, more children had moved into the house-- four more to be precise-- bringing our grand total to 9 children. One of them only spoke Norwegian. She barks things at you with trilled 'R's and expects you to answer and you just sit there and start to seriously believe in fairies.
I showered, read and slept and prepared for the opare oriented village party we'd been invited to attend. I put on my best and only cotton shirt (thank you JCREW) and also my best and only pair of dancing shoes (thank you TOMS). It was opare oriented because a bunch of local opares had been given the night off and we were all going to hook up. All seven beautiful, young, British-accented opares and me dancing the night away in the Centre Ville.
It very fun. The music was good. First was a Tahitian fire dancing group and then there was a French ABBA cover group that played for a jaw-dropping 5 hours. They didn't limit themselves to only ABBA but I wished they had. Iris, a young, blonde opare from the Netherlands sang along with every word. How she loved ABBA. All the while we were drinking too much beer. You could order it with peach syrup. It was all the rage with the highschool rugby team so I gave it a shot then ended up giving it to Iris.
After a very chaotic orgy in the public bathroom at stage left we CAREFULLY drove home and got dropped off. YES there was quiche leftever and YES I had some and YES I ate the bell-end of the baguette in the bread basket with a liberal spoon of Nutella.
Have you ever woken up with a debilitating hangover to the sound of a Norwegian child shitting the bathroom on the other side of the wall? I have-- and it's hard to stop laughing long enough to fall back asleep.
You make some tea and describe the word 'gross' to a Russian mom over toast and honey. You talk about San Francisco and try to describe what Nevada is like. What are you going to do today? Nothing that involves sweating. Or moving. Luckily, hangovers are universal but so are big budget summer blockbusters. Dear movie theater in Carcassonne: I hope Inception is in English with French subtitles and not dubbed. I hear it's hard enough to comprehend anyways.
Don't let me down, Stieg Larsson, this one wasn't as good as the last so far but the final pages COULD make it better.
ALONE
I went to a mid evil festival / in a mid evil town / and touched a mid evil wizard / with a starry lid and gown. / I pet the magic donkey/ saw the woman in the cage / then the wizard blew a balloon / for the kids on holiday.
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